3 time c-section mom, would it still be possible to be a surrogate?
Hello, I am just starting my research into the possibility of becoming a surrogate for my sister-in-law. My husband and I currently have 2 children which were both born via emergency c-section (due to failure to progress both times). I am not a fan of pregnancy, I am sick most of the time then I end up having sections, but the joy of being a parent is priceless. We lost a baby in-between our two children so I understand the grief and anxiety that goes along with losing a pregnancy(and at least thinking you will never be able to have another one, which thankfully was not our case). My husband and I have actually been planning on trying for our 3rd this summer after we move, IUD was pulled 2 weeks ago. I have always thought 3 would be a perfect number, my husband 4. Yesterday I learned through the "grapevine" that the reason my sister and brother-in-law do not have any children is because she is not able to carry any. She has never mentioned this fact and they always just laugh off our questions to "when are you guys going to have kids?" They are so good with children and it kills me now knowing that we have asked them this question over and over when they have been living in silence about the reason why they do not have any children. They are both only 29 and have been married for 6-7 years. The word got out that she is undergoing a surgical "procedure" in the hopes that this will allow her uterus to be able to carry a baby. Not sure what it is, as it is really "hush hush" in our family, as I have said, they have not mentioned this to anyone, but the fact that she was having surgery slipped.. Anyway, the whole point of this question is to ask about if it is possible to become a surrogate after 3 c-sections knowing 100% that a 4th will be needed. Of course I have not mentioned this idea to them yet, but I have been thinking about it non stop for the last 24 hours and I am 100% sure it is something I would do for them. I figured that if they haven?t conceived a year after our next child I would bring it up (breastfeeding the first year is really important to me- I would even provide here with bm after if she wanted it), so my timeframe is looking at 2-3years (wishful thinking since I am not yet pregnant yet, but I seem to follow after my family as being a fertile Myrtle.) Before I even approach her however, I need to make sure it will be physically possible? I don?t want to mention it now to find out later it is not possible and then break their hearts more. I am also 29, so I don?t know if being 33ish would make a difference or not either? Thank you for any info you can provide me.
Reply by Rayven
I am so happy that you have decided to complete your own family before assisting someone else with theirs! Too many times over-eager and well meaning surrogate mothers jump into this unprepared.
As to whether you would still be eligible to become a surrogate mother knowing you will need another c-section, yes, you can. I have a surrogate friend pregnant with her 5th surrogate baby, and she has had c-sections with them all. She actually prefers it that way.
Now, to be clear, if you were just looking to be a surrogate mother and not one for family, the c-sections might disqualify you from a few agencies, but not all. And since it is family, don't worry about it.
Your age is fine, especially considering you've had a child recently.
If your family is this hush-hush about the infertility, I would start beating around the bush early. Maybe after you get pregnant again? At least broach the topic of surrogacy in general, and ask if that is something they have ever considered? I wouldn't do it now; too soon.
Try to get her to open up more about her infertility, and be a shoulder for her. Hopefully this surgery will work and she will be able to have her own children, but this process is very painful, emotionally. Perhaps being that support person will end up being a greater gift to her than being a surrogate mother.
Either way, to consider doing this for a sister in law is wonderful.
