Asking for sick day compensation in surrogacy

by Lori Rain
(Pennsylvania)

Hi. I am in the process of doing this for the first time. I am working with a lawyer and he arranged a meeting with a couple who contacted him. The lawyer and I met with them on February 9th. They were wonderful and I feel we would be a great match. Their lawyer also seemed very excited after our meeting ended! I am waiting to hear if they decide to use me or not.
The question I have is about the compensation. I am a teacher and a single mom of a 5 year old daughter. I am very fortunate to have sick days to draw from, great medical insurance (100 % coverage with no exclusions), and a sick bank. I was asked about using my sick days and it seemed logical at first. The issue I have now since I was able to think about it a little is that if I use all of my sick days by December or January, I will have nothing left for the rest of the year and will go without pay from my job.
Is it acceptable to mention this to the lawyer and the couple of my concerns? I do not want them to change their minds because of it, is it asking too much?
Lori Rain

Reply by Rayven
Lori,

Right now is the best time to be thinking about these issues, and getting them out in the open. If you feel that using up your sick days may cause you financial difficulty, then you absolutely need to bring this up, and have it placed into your contract that you will be compensated your normal wages for missed work. This is actually pretty common. Even stay at home moms often have their husband's wages compensated for work missed due to surrogacy.

If you decide to work with this couple, the next few weeks as you go over and finalize the contract will bring up many of these feelings that you might offend one another. It must be done! You're going to step on their toes, and they are going to step on yours. Its how it works. Don't worry that they will be irreparably mad at you for making a decision like this. There will be a lot more bumpy roads to come.

Also, its ok if they do change their minds. If they were to change their minds over something so little as this, then trust me, you really don't want to work with them. There are more intended parents seeking surrogates than there are quality surrogates out there, so if it doesn't work out with this couple, there's bound to be another you feel as close to.

Personally, I met with four couples in person before finding my first set of intended parents, and interviewed dozens over the phone/email. Matching is not an overnight process.

One of the worst things you can do in surrogacy is to agree to something you are uncomfortable with, or something that may cause you financial hardship. Trust me, things go wrong. Protect yourself.

Best wishes!