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Being a Surrogate Mother

How Surrogate Mothers View Surrogacy

Being a surrogate, surrogate motherhood and commercial surrogacy are concepts that are difficult to understand for most outsiders. Why do women become surrogate mothers? What are their views on commercial surrogacy at large? What is it that motivates one woman to carry and give birth to a baby for another woman?

Most surrogates view surrogacy as the joyous sacrifice that it truly is. Having been pregnant before, they understand the physical discomforts and emotional whirlwind that is pregnancy. Part of being a surrogate mother means that these women are willing to make the sacrifices that they need to in order to help another family.

Though most surrogates are caring individuals, generally, their desire to become surrogate mothers falls into one of three categories. Keep in mind that these terms are not industry terms, but ones I have created to help others understand how surrogate mothers view surrogacy.

Being a Surrogate: A Gift of the Heart

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Nearly every woman involved in surrogate motherhood sees a surrogate pregnancy as a gift from the heart.

They recognize their contribution in the process as a wonderful gift they are giving to the intended parents, and feel that they are helping another family in a way they cannot possibly help themselves.

For some surrogate mothers, this is the main guiding force that compels them to become surrogate mothers.

They are "“earning their wings"” by giving the ultimate gift to a deserving family.

A Surrogate Mother's Words:

"Surrogacy is a way we can give back to the world in a significant way. We're not rich people. We would never be able to donate a large sum of money for something like funding a wing of a hospital.

We don't have the monetary resources to change the world. But I am able to grow big, beautiful, healthy surrogate babies. This is a way that my family can do something to change our little corner of the world, by helping another family in a way they cannot help themselves. That's what being a surrogate is about to me."

Many surrogate mothers who decide on surrogacy as a gift from the heart also mention that they want to teach their children about giving, sacrifice, and being unselfish.

Being a Surrogate: A Grand Friendship

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I mention this category as a type of how surrogate mothers view being a surrogate because they differ slightly from those simply looking to give a great gift.

These women also feel that surrogacy is a gift from the heart, but in addition to that, they are seeking a relationship with their intended parents.

These surrogate mothers view commercial surrogacy as a "Grand Friendship".

Most surrogate mothers have characteristics from both of these two groups.

A surrogate who views surrogate motherhood as a "Grand Friendship" is often looking for intended parents who can commit, in advance, to remain in close contact after birth.

They are interested in receiving regular updates and photos of the surrogate babies as they grow up, and may even request regular, scheduled get-togethers as part of the terms of their contract.

These women view the friendships they make with their intended parents, most often the intended mother, as the best part of the journey. The love and appreciation they receive is often the driving force behind their desire to become a surrogate mother.

Being a Surrogate: A Source of Income

Though most surrogate mothers give of themselves to help another family in a purely unselfish manner, there are some surrogate mothers who view commercial surrogacy as little more than a financial arrangement.

Most of the time, these surrogate mothers get into this community with the wrong intentions, and realize there is a lot more sacrifice than they initially comprehended well before undergoing a surrogate pregnancy.

These women are lured by the promises of receiving a substantial amount of money for commercial surrogacy and honestly want to "rent their wombs" for quick cash.

These are the misinformed, "get rich quickers" of the surrogacy community, and yes, they do exist.

For the most part, these women are not bad people, and are not trying to take advantage of others, they are just ignorant of the surrogacy process and the commitment involved.

Surrogate mothers who chose commercial surrogacy as an income source rarely complete a second surrogacy. They find that the physical, emotional, and time commitments required of them for the amount of money they receive are just not worth it. Surrogacy truly needs to be an unselfish gift.