Feelings after the birth of a surrogate baby

by Krystal
(arkansas)

I am thinking about becoming a surrogate mother. I have four children of my own who I love so much and would love to bring this joy to another family but one thing is stopping me... I am afraid I would be so upset after delivery that I did not get to bring the child home, how do you deal with this because I am afraid it would be on my mind the whole time like I had give up a part of me.

Reply by Rayven
Its good that you are thinking about things like what you might feel like after the birth before becoming a surrogate mother. Many women who become surrogates do, in fact, regret the decision and feel as though they are giving up a part of themselves. Many others do not.

Personally, I KNEW I would not feel that way. It wasn't even a consideration. Its just not in my personality type. So how did I deal with it? I didn't have to. That's what makes me, myself, a great surrogate. I have no attachment whatsoever, making it easy on me and less fearful for the parents.

But I'm the exception, not the rule. Many surrogates are able to separate this child from their own children, by clearly defining in their minds that they will be giving the child BACK to his parents at his birth; there is no "giving up" a baby in surrogacy.

It also helps if it is a gestational surrogacy vs a traditional surrogacy.

And please realize, not every woman is meant to be a surrogate mother. Some simply would suffer too much emotionally to even attempt it.

The feelings of surrogacy is something each potential surrogate mother needs to work out for herself. If you find that you simply cannot come to terms, in advance, with the thought of giving back the baby, then honestly, surrogacy is not right for you. (And that's OK!) Finding this out now, in advance, will save you so much heartache.

Best wishes!