Hello i am a wanna be mommy and my fantastic cousin has agreed to be my gestational carrier... how can i possiably help her with the sense of loss i know she is going to feel.. i dont want her to give birth and then us leave her a day or so later... but i live 3 hours away..and i would need to go home so i am asking what can i do to make this easier for her??
Reply by Rayven How do you know that she will experience a sense of loss? I've done it three times and never once experienced anything close to loss. In fact, my feelings were quite the opposite. Contentment, joy, completion, relief, but never loss.
Have you discussed this with her? If she is concerned that she will be feeling horrible after the birth of this baby, I'm afraid surrogacy might not be right for her. Not every woman is capable of being a surrogate mother, even family members who love one another and want to help so badly. One of the key ingredients to a great surrogacy is a surrogate mother who KNOWS she will not be overly upset when the baby is born.
At any rate, you will need to work though these thoughts and possible emotions now, with a counselor, and possibly meet with this counselor throughout the surrogacy and after if this is an issue.
It's totally normal for intended parents to leave the hospital with their baby as soon as the hospital says they can. In fact, it would be abnormal to hang around with the surrogate afterwards. The birth of the baby is the end of the journey for the surrogate, but the beginning of life with the new family. Its totally OK to leave at that time and go home.
Talk to your cousin. Find out how she feels about all this. It may surprise you.
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how to help gestational carrier with loss
