if i use a family member, will i still have to go to court?

by kelsey
(tn)

hi, im wanting to use one of my family members to be my surrograte mother. but would i still have to go to court? and will please explain to me how a pre-order birth work?

Reply by Rayven
Yes, you will absolutely, positively, no matter what, need to obtain a lawyer and file the correct documents in your state. Otherwise, your surrogate will be the legal mother of your child, and will be the mother on the birth certificate.

Notice I did not say yes you need to go to court. I want to stress here that you need a lawyer. EVERYONE involved in surrogacy, no matter how that surrogacy works (whether it is a family member or not) needs a lawyer in surrogacy.

Each state has different laws regarding traditional and gestational surrogacy, and some states do not have any laws whatsoever. Surrogacy is handled differently everywhere, and in some places traditional surrogacy is not permitted, whereas gestational is, and in a few states, surrogacy in general is not permitted.

A pre-birth order is allowed in some states. I've been a surrogate in states that have it and states that do not. Basically it is a legal document that allows the intended parents to be placed on the birth certificate in the hospital, and tells everyone there that the parents, and not the surrogate, get to make the decisions for the baby's care. Some states allow them, some do not. Your attorney will help you with that.

For states that do not, just talking with the hospital in advance goes a long way, and your lawyer will get the surrogate's name off the birth certificate in short order.

When you are lucky enough to have a family member become your surrogate, its important to keep in mind that the only things missing from this type of surrogacy journey and one that involves a surrogate who is not previously known to you is the fact that you can bypass the agency and usually you do not have to pay your family member compensation.

Everything else is the same.

You both still need a lawyer. You still need a contract. You still need to file appropriate legal paperwork for your state. You still need a clinic. You still need to pay for all the medical care. You still need to reimburse your surrogate for all pregnancy related expenses.

Get a lawyer and a contract and do this right. This is not the place where you try to cut expenses to save a little cash because your family member is so generously helping you. This is your child we are talking about. Follow the laws applicable to your state.

And best wishes to you! You are so very fortunate to have such a loving family member who is able to do this for you!