Hi, my name is Alex and I can't have children. I write this because last year I was told I was unable to have children and it took a toll on me and my husband.
At one point I asked my husband how he felt about adoption or surrogacy, but he was hopeful I would eventually get pregnant. When it didn't happen, he finally agreed to look into other methods, and this is where I am right now: lost and with questions galore.
I feel horrible because I am an overall healthy 32 year old woman, and to hear from my doctor the words "You can't get pregnant because your fallopian tubes are clogged," was devastating to hear. I have come to terms with my situation, but I would like for someone to point me in the right direction.
1. Where do we look for the person that would agree to be our surrogate?
2. What is the fair payment for surrogacy?
3. How safe is it for the surrogate and the baby?
4. What can we expect as parents-to-be from our surrogate?
5. What is expected of us from our surrogate?
6. What legal documentation needs to take place in order to have the surrogate renounce her right as parent?
I know the last question is curt and strong, but it is an important one because we would not like to go through the emotional whirlwind after the baby is born. I honestly think it is better to ask these kind of tough questions right now so that my husband and I can make an informed decision as to what option will be best for us.
For now, we are leaning more toward surrogacy than anything else, and I hope someone reads our story and take us in the right direction.
Thank you,
Alex
Reply by Rayven
Alex,
You are absolutely right. It is far better to ask all questions now, before getting started, than to jump into surrogacy blind and end up with a nightmare of a journey.
3. How safe is it for the surrogate and the baby? With traditional surrogacy, there are really no uncommon safety issues, other than what is typically associated with a regular pregnancy and birth.
The main risks in surrogacy come from multiple births, which is seen often in gestational surrogacy. And because medications are used in gestational surrogacy, there could be side effects. You will need to discuss these with your fertility doctor.
4. What can we expect as parents-to-be from our surrogate?
Open, honest communication, and a dedication to providing the best possible environment for your child.
5. What is expected of us from our surrogate?
Open, honest communication, and a realization that she has been pregnant before, and trust that she will provide the best possible environment for your child.
6. What legal documentation needs to take place in order to have the surrogate renounce her right as parent?
This question depends on many factors. Is this a traditional or gestational surrogacy? Will the baby be born in surrogacy-friendly Texas, or will the baby be born in another state? You will need to find a surrogate and then seek an attorney in the state in which the baby will be born to find out what documentation needs to take place.
