Lots of Questions

by Michele
(Guilderland, NY, USA)

Hi Rayven! I'm so glad you have this sight. I have a lot of questions for you! Here goes:
I am thinking of using a gestational surrogate if I ever want to get pregnant. I don't like the thought of giving birth and I was recently diagnosed with Factor 5 Leyden (blood disease) that ups my risk of miscarrying. My friend, Kristin said she would be my surrogate if I needed one. So...

#1. How could I tell if the baby was really mine and she and her husband didn't accidently impregnate themselves or my boyfriend's (will be my husband when we do this) sperm didn't actually impregnate her egg? She will only have our kids as long as they are ours, not hers.

#2. What are the odds/chances of multiple births?

#3. Who is considered the mother on the birth certificate, me (biological mom) or her (gestational surrogate)?

#4. Will doctors even let me do this? Having Factor 5, I could still have a baby (my sister-in-law has this from her family and mine and she is currently 4 months along) but it just ups my chance of miscarriage and I'd be a high risk pregnancy, but my main reason is I don't really wanna have the baby physically. Is that good enough for a doctor?

#5. Can I do egg extraction with my tubes sterilized?

Thanks so much!

Michele

Reply by Rayven

Michele,

First, before I answer your specific questions, we really need to discuss WHY you want a surrogate. If it is mainly because you are afraid of physically having a baby, and not for a medical reason, I fear you are in for a very difficult road.

First, the physical pain you will go through with an egg retrieval rivals that of birth. In addition, you will be subjected to multiple hormone injections, as well as a surgical procedure.

Next, even if a friend is your surrogate, the lack of control and emotional rollercoaster over one of the most important things in your life is truly not something I would wish on my worst enemy. I think it would behoove you to talk to A LOT of intended mothers before deciding if this is truly what you want.

As far as if a doctor will still allow you to go through with the procedure, most likely, you will not have too much trouble finding one, though some may turn you down.

Now for your specific questions:

1. A DNA test would be done at the child's birth to confirm that you were indeed the biological mother of the child. Many states require this for the legal procedures, and many insurance companies as well. It's pretty standard.

2. The odds of multiples are strong in IVF, especially with a surrogate mother. The more embryos you transfer, the more likely they are all to stick. If you only want one baby, only transfer one embryo at a time. Seriously. Or you may find yourself making a horrible decision later.

3. The birth mother will vary depending on what state you live in. Consult your attorney. Irregardless, it is just a formality and will all be corrected on a birth certificate later. If your friend is originally named the birth mother, this will be expunged in court completely.

4. (Answered this above)

5. Yes, you can. You can even do a retrieval without a uterus. It's amazing what science can do these days!

I hope this all helps, Michele. I wish you the best.