My wife want to surregate for her sister and i have reservations

by Lee
(UK)

Hi, My wife has asked if she can be a surregate for her sister it would be her sisters egg and her husband sperm as she can catch but unfortunately keeps miscarring. my wife really wants to do this but i'm worried. I just can't honestly say that I could handle it. We have been together 9 years and have a strong relationship and have two kids aged 4 and 7 how would they be with it? We have talked about having another of our own but what if there are complications and she couldn't have more? how would I tell her sister and husband no? and my wife is desperate to help! They already have two boys aged 9 and 14 so they have got there family but I am putting mine at risk to help. I can understand there need for a baby but my wife seems to think it will all be fine and it won't change anything but i think it will and an worried. Any advice/help appreciated. Lee

Reply by Rayven

Most people think becoming a surrogate mother is a decision one woman makes to help another family, but it's not. Its a decision one family makes to help another family. In this case, it would be a decision both you and your wife would make to help extended family.

Husbands are very involved in surrogacy, from legally binding contracts they must sign, to various forms of testing done prior to the start of surrogacy, to acting as the main support person for their pregnant wives; pregnant with someone else's child.

A husband needs to be 100% on board with surrogacy. If not, surrogacy might not be appropriate for that family.

In your situation, you are completely right; complications may occur that could cause your wife to lose her reproductive abilities while assisting her sister. By becoming a surrogate mother for her sister, she may end up needing a surrogate mother to complete your family.

Its best for her to wait to complete her own family and then to discuss surrogacy again with you. Things change over time, and having this very large hurdle out of the way may make this conversation go a different way in the future.

As to your children, and their thoughts on surrogacy, kids are very understanding. My children were about that age when I became a surrogate for the first time, and we just told them the truth, that the babies were not ours, but a friends. They understood better than most adults, and were quite comfortable with the process. They still are. For us, showing empathy and a desire to help another family has really brought us closer as a family, and has showed my children the goodness in the world.