Should I become a surrogate for my sister?

by Kristy
(Colorado)

I would like some advice and information. I am 29 and have no children of my own.

My sister and her huband have been trying to get pregnant for 2 years. Finally they did and just lost their twins. I am considering being a surrogate for them. I have not mentioned it to them yet, because I would like more information on this. I have no children of my own, Should I even be considering this? I am 29 and I plan on having children someday. Please can someone give me advice on this and any information that could be useful in helping me to decide if I want to do this. Thanks.

Reply by Rayven
No, Kristy, you should not become a surrogate mother to your sister...at this time.

The #1 rule of surrogacy is that in order to become a surrogate mother, you have had your own children. Why? For the following reasons, among others:

1. If you have never had a child before, it is unclear whether the problems plaguing your sister will affect you as well. You, yourself, may not be able to carry a child.

2. Surrogacy, even when done by a relative for no surrogate fee, is extremely expensive. Depending on your sister's financial situation, taking a chance on someone who has no previous history of successful pregnancy can prove disastrous if the pregnancy is unsuccessful. Some intended parents can only afford the process one time.

3. The emotions involved with giving a child back to his parents when he is born affects each surrogate differently, but they all have one thing in common: they have their own children at home. If you have never had any children of your own, despite good intentions, it may be quite difficult for you to part with a child (even your sister's child) that you have carried.

4. You are risking your own reproductive abilities with surrogacy. It is recommended that not only should a surrogate mother have already had at least one child, but that she is DONE having her own children. More than once a good intending surrogate mother has gone through complications that prevent her from ever having another child. While this is heartbreaking to a mother of two thinking of having a third child, it could be devastating to a woman who hasn't even started her own family yet.

You sound like an absolutely wonderful sister to even think about doing this, but honestly, the timing is not right for you. Help your sister by supporting her, helping her research surrogacy, helping her through the IVF (or traditional surrogacy) process, and being a shoulder to cry on.

Best wishes!