Should my wife be a surrogate for her sister?

by Charles
(Valparaiso, IN)

My wife and I have three children via c-section. After our last her doctor performed a tubal as there were concerns about a future procedure. Now my sister-in-law and her new husband has asked if my wife would be a surrogate as my sister-in-law has already had a hysterectomy. We know that this would be a beautiful gift but have concerns about how we will feel if we go forward with the request. We can find plenty of positive feedback on the subject but are there any horror stories that will give us other insights.

Reply by Rayven

First off, you mention that there were "concerns about a future procedure". If this means that your wife's doctor was concerned that she should not become pregnant again, then your wife is NOT a candidate for surrogacy.

Women who have had c-sections are not excluded from becoming surrogates, however, those with difficult or risky pregnancies are.

As to how you and your wife would feel if she became a gestational surrogate mother to your wife's sister, only the two of you would be able to answer that. You both need to examine what is in your hearts and answer that question with one another, being completely open and honest. If one or both of you is bothered in any way by this situation, you need to communicate that now. Unlike surrogacy done for strangers, it seems likely that any child born to your sister-in-law will be seen frequently by you and your wife. You'll need to know how this will make you feel.

As to if there are any horror stories, yes. They happen. Most surrogacy arrangements go smoothly, but others destroy friendships, cause financial ruin, and permanent hurt feelings. Here are the best ways to prevent your surrogacy journey from turning into one of those horror stories:

1. Do your research prior to getting started (just what you are doing by visiting this site)
2. Openly communicate your feelings with your spouse prior to starting
3. Openly communicate with the intended parents throughout the journey
4. Realize that surrogacy is a situation that is out of your comfort zone

The major problems that happen with surrogacy can be avoided by simple communication.

Best wishes!