I am 22 and marrying my best friend. Due to an extensive heart condition that runs in my family, my fiance and I decided that I shouldn't carry or have a baby. I have always known that I want to be a mother some day. We have decided after a few heart to hearts that a traditional surrogacy would be best for us. We aren't planning on starting the process for about five years, but we want to be prepared both financially and emotionally. How much does a traditional surrogacy cost in a state (Maryland) where compensation is illegal? (I think I read that law right, please correct me other wise.) And how do I get over the fear of the surrogate mother keeping the baby? Does anyone know Maryland's laws about that? That is my biggest fear. I am an extremely loving person, I know that I would love the baby early on (as soon as the pregnancy was well into the second trimester, I am realistic about miscarriages.) What should I be doing?
Reply by Rayven The laws regarding surrogacy apply to the state the baby is born in. If your surrogate is from a neighboring, surrogacy friendly state, then it might be easier to find a traditional surrogate who can be compensated.
Altruistic surrogacy, that is, a surrogate mother who does not receive compensation, is a rare thing, and usually only applies to close friends and family members of the intended parents. This is where I would start; get it out there that you are interested in doing surrogacy in a few years. Tell your family and friends. Hopefully, someone will volunteer.
Your costs will be the clinic procedures, medical bills for your surrogate, day-to-day pregnancy related expenses (vitamins, maternity clothes, lost work for doctors appointments, child care, etc) and legal fees to do a step-parent adoption, as well as the cost of a lawyer for your surrogate.
How do you get over your fears about the surrogate wanting to keep the child? Get to know your surrogate. Don't jump into a risky situation. Make sure she is the right person for you. Most states have a few days, or even weeks, grace period for an adoptive mother to change her mind, and with traditional surrogacy, it is an adoption.
As to what you should be doing right now, you're doing it: research. Learn everything you can about traditional surrogacy, and your situation in particular. Find an attorney in Maryland who specializes in surrogacy and ask all your legal questions. And put your desires out there.
