Thinking of being my sisters surrogate.

by Lisa
(California)

I am thinking of being my sisters surrogate. Her cervix is incapable of holding a baby, and she asked me if I would for her. My question is; I have never had a baby before, and my husband and I aren't sure if we even want to, but I still want to do this for my sister, would the clinic take into consideration that I may not want to have children and still do it?

Reply by Rayven
You'll have to ask the clinic. Some will, some have had too much trouble, even with family members carrying for another family member, that they will not accept a woman who has never given birth before to be a surrogate mother.

I know that everyone feels that their situation is the exception to the rule, and it might be, but do keep these things in mind when considering becoming a surrogate mother before completing (or starting) your own family:

1. You may lose your ability to conceive on your own. This may not seem like a big deal to you right now, but you might change your mind in a decade. Really. Time has a way of changing things.

2. You might experience the same complications with getting pregnant that your sister did, only this time, it costs your sister money to find out. And if she is tight on funds to begin with, this could prevent her from getting a surrogate who is "proven" fertile. Or, you could end up with miscarriages, stillborns, or serious complications during the pregnancy.

3. You could develop feelings towards the child that you did not realize were possible. It has happened more than once that a sister who has never given birth before has decided to keep the child she has given birth to rather than give him back to her brother/sister.

Again, you truly might be the exception to the rule, but work through these issues before deciding.

Best wishes!