Why don't intended mothers turn to surrogacy if they are afraid of carrying a baby or giving birth to a baby?

On your website it reads, "Contrary to what some people may believe, intended mothers do not turn to surrogacy because they don't want to or are afraid of carrying a baby. The physical and emotional process of surrogacy is much too difficult, and much more complicated than a typical pregnancy." Can you go into more detail?

Reply by Rayven

First, let me say that there are probably a handful, and I mean literally a handful, who have turned to surrogacy over the years for such reasons, but they are few and far between.

Surrogacy is simply not a good option for those afraid of carrying and delivering a baby. Adoption is a much better option for these women.

There are multiple physical and emotional battles in surrogacy. Those that think it is "easier" to have someone else have a baby for them than to do it themselves are just simply ignorant.

In order to go through gestational surrogacy, and have another woman carry your biological child, you would have to go through weeks of daily injections of hormones, followed by a procedure where they push a giant needle into your whoo-ha, through your vaginal walls, into your ovaries, in order to extract eggs.

If it doesn't work the first time, this process is repeated, sometimes multiple times.

Personally, I'd rather go through labor.

The intended mothers who turn to surrogacy do so as a last resort. I cannot even imagine what it feels like to know that you are unable to carry your own child. To look at another woman carrying your baby and know that you will never know what it feels like to feel that baby kick, to never be able to chat aimlessly with the baby in the middle of the night, to experience the labor of love that brings your baby into the world.

These women do not choose this; they come to a point where this is the only option. They struggle emotionally throughout the process, with the hope that they will finally be able to hold their own baby. And it is a hope, as even surrogacy doesn't always work.

Then there are the surrogate mothers themselves. Surrogate mothers do not carry for the highest bidder. They carry for couples that they have made an emotional connection to. There are many more intended parents out there than surrogates. Surrogates know this, and do their best to help those they feel are most deserving.

For example, many surrogates will not assist a family who already has children, and are looking for a surrogate to complete their family. They feel that they would rather assist a couple that has no children instead.

Finding a surrogate to assist a woman who simply doesn't want to give birth would be very difficult. I'm not saying it would be impossible, but very difficult. Surrogates do not see themselves as employees, but helpers. Many would find such a situation insulting.

If someone is afraid of pain, I would seriously recommend adoption as an alternative.